there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me
it’s called the throne
one time i got bored in class so i drank 3 bottles of water and when my teacher asked me what i was doing i told him i was trying to drown myself
u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
if I was in the hunger games I’d just get mcdonalds as a sponsor but instead of just eating the big macs they’d send me during the games I’d use them as bait to trap people and every time I’d made a kill I’d look up to the sky, give a thumbs and whisper “I’m lovin’ it”
why is this still circulating
Because it’s brilliant.